China or : How I learned to stop worrying and buy stupid foreign substances (Part 2)

This looks fun...

Here we are again. Today I shalt be drinking a fine beverage that appears to be called “Rice punch”. I am reliably informed by the can that is a Korean traditional beverage, and you know the Koreans never put a foot wrong so I guess it must be good.

First impressions of the drink pre-opening are not great, for one, it looks like a cream soda can and I hate cream soda. Secondly, a bowl of grey fluid that somewhat resembles a brain is not particularly appetising. Apparently thats the serving suggestion Also I dont like how it says on the can “expired date repeats on your bottom”. Hmm, sounds painful!

Oh another interesting titbit. This is produced by the Yakult company! Well…Korea Yakult Ltd, I figure these are probably the same guys?

Ok, enough yapping, going to the kitchen to pour me a nice (well shaken) glass of Rice punch.

looks delicious!

Right, well, that was interesting. It was kinda like horlics combined with ginger combined with a bit of chocolate. First thing that you notice (besides it’s worrying colour and the large amount of sediment in it) is how ridiculously sweet it is! I was expecting something bitter, but instead it was like unicorns and kittens in a cup it was that sweet. Oh also the “shake well before opening” instruction was totaly pointless, given that that the little bits of what i assume was rice were so heavy they would almost instantly sink to the bottom unless you applied a high level of centrepetal force the glass, all in all not a very practical thing to do if your trying to drink it.

I think its worth pointing out at this point that I dont like EITHER Ginger or Horlics, in fact I find Horlics to be one of the most revolting drinks in existence. So I couldn’t stomach the whole cup of this stuff. I apologise in advance to Kim Jong Il and anyone else I may have offended with my lack of balls in relation to being able to drink this stuff.

Oh more importantly i apologise to all the offended Koreans who read that last bit…if any of you ever do.

Right, this has been another lackluster blog from yours truly! same time tomorrow?

China or : How I learned to stop worrying and buy stupid foreign substances (Part 1)

Oh boy…

I got the idea for doing this quite a while back when I visited the chinese supermarket with my friend nick, bought a load of dubiously titled (if we could even find a title) drinks and snacks, and proceeded to be disgusted by them all.

Hey! I thought, this would make a hilarious blog post, this demonstrates just how sad an individual I am. Anyway, I returned to the chinese supermarket today, and bought a second round of items, this time I (think) I stayed clear of soy milk and all its derivatives, because let’s be honest. Soy milk tastes like poop.

I don’t really know to expect from most of these, the only one I’ve tried before is the brown and white can. And i couldn’t adequately describe the taste sensation it delivered. I think I am however going to split this post up into multiple parts. The reason for this is twofold.

1. Theres quite a lot of writing to be done here, buying stupid crap and reviewing it is basically just about the easiest thing to write about ever. It practically writes itself! so I could go on a lot
2. I don’t have the stomach for trying all of these in one sitting. I mean have you seen that jar in the back right? I’m not entirely certain that I haven’t just bought some poor Koreans donation to his local sperm bank I must say.

So Today, I shall be sampling the “Lin Wah Food Companies “cocktail bun””. Whats that you say? that sounds ferociously unexciting, and it may well be (I haven’t eaten it at the time of writing). But I can safely say I am currently FAMISHED. So I’ve rushed the entire first half of this post just so I can sink my jaws into its luscious framework.

Actually I say that, I have no idea what to expect…it doesn’t LOOK like how it should look, it looks suspiciously…solid

Hmm

I’ll get back to you momentarily

Ok. The first sensation I get upon opening the container is a strong smell of…sweetness, sesame and sweetness. This

bannana? not quite sure

does not bode well for what I was anticipating would be a savory snack…

oh ok, it’s just bread… very sweet bread, but bread

oh wait. I have just hit a wad of filling. FILLING AHOY! tastes a little… banana-ry? hmm, it has the consistency of marzipan but tastes quite delicious i must say. this is an entirely pleasant surprise. Though i suspect this may be the high point and can only get worse from here on out with regards to the beverages.

Ok, I shall sum up. This was actually nice, I would eat it again infact, what a depressing anticlimax! I also apologise for what is somewhat of an uninspired blog post. It shall be more interesting in parts 2 and 3 where I may or may not go into a brown rice drink gluten coma.

Homemade Pizza or : How I learned to stop worrying and listen to K-pop

HEY!

Right, now that ive got your attention again… This is going to be yet another food-related blog. Rejoice!

Why the Korean ladies then? well…umm…I haven’t quite decided how to work them in yet but im sure ill manage, and the cynic inside me suspects this will get me more views from some people…

there you dough, a picture of my pizza pre-cremation

Anyhoozle. Todays culinary redheaded stepchild is, the Pizza. No im not completely copping out, I am actually making this pizza in its entirety (well, im neither grounding the flour or slaughtering the livestock, but you get the picture). Anyway, I am happy to report that nothing particularly embarrassing occurred in the making of this pizza (though how difficult is it to put flour,yeast and water into a bowl and mix, so i guess its not much to be thankful for). It was a little on the small side as you can tell by the fact the pizza doesn’t actually reach the edges of the pizza tray and has no crust, but meh.

Slight confession here, I have actually done this quite a few times before, but its been at least 2 months since I did this last so its fair game. Incase anyone is wondering, the toppings were mozzarella, onion, mushroom, tomatoes, Pepperoni and some jalapenos I added later.

Needless to say it was somewhat delicious…damn, you really cant write a good food ramble unless it all goes tits up, this does remind me of a rather funny anecdote from the weekend however, so I shall now recount that. I went to a Mexican restaraunt with a good friend (although he thought it was Italian, the word burritos anywhere near the menu was a definite tip-off). An entertaining time was had, but during the course of the meal I discovered that my friend had never used a knife and fork untill very recently, This struck me as odd but after discussing it for a while It seemed understandable, it just so happened that most of the foods he ate were eatable and cuttable with a fork on its own, so he just…never needed to use a knife!

Anyway, I was busy mocking him for his lack of cutlery usage when the first course arrived, and I promptly picked up my knife and fork, poked at a Chimichanga (yes, I ordered chimichangas, no they weren’t better than mine!) except for I completely failed at this task, and sent the entire plate spinning through the air along with a chimichanga or two till it landed LOUDLY on the floor. Oh tits,

this should have been here before

Anyway, coming full circle, i present to you the group at the top, yes they are all one group. I don’t see how you can have that many people in a single group and not have it just become a big ball of mess. But I guess they probably only need to stand there and look nice, I haven’t exactly researched them or anything.

ARGH I FORGOT TO PUT IN THE PICTURE OF THE FINISHED PIZZA