China or : How I learned to stop worrying and buy stupid foreign substances (Part 1)

Oh boy…

I got the idea for doing this quite a while back when I visited the chinese supermarket with my friend nick, bought a load of dubiously titled (if we could even find a title) drinks and snacks, and proceeded to be disgusted by them all.

Hey! I thought, this would make a hilarious blog post, this demonstrates just how sad an individual I am. Anyway, I returned to the chinese supermarket today, and bought a second round of items, this time I (think) I stayed clear of soy milk and all its derivatives, because let’s be honest. Soy milk tastes like poop.

I don’t really know to expect from most of these, the only one I’ve tried before is the brown and white can. And i couldn’t adequately describe the taste sensation it delivered. I think I am however going to split this post up into multiple parts. The reason for this is twofold.

1. Theres quite a lot of writing to be done here, buying stupid crap and reviewing it is basically just about the easiest thing to write about ever. It practically writes itself! so I could go on a lot
2. I don’t have the stomach for trying all of these in one sitting. I mean have you seen that jar in the back right? I’m not entirely certain that I haven’t just bought some poor Koreans donation to his local sperm bank I must say.

So Today, I shall be sampling the “Lin Wah Food Companies “cocktail bun””. Whats that you say? that sounds ferociously unexciting, and it may well be (I haven’t eaten it at the time of writing). But I can safely say I am currently FAMISHED. So I’ve rushed the entire first half of this post just so I can sink my jaws into its luscious framework.

Actually I say that, I have no idea what to expect…it doesn’t LOOK like how it should look, it looks suspiciously…solid

Hmm

I’ll get back to you momentarily

Ok. The first sensation I get upon opening the container is a strong smell of…sweetness, sesame and sweetness. This

bannana? not quite sure

does not bode well for what I was anticipating would be a savory snack…

oh ok, it’s just bread… very sweet bread, but bread

oh wait. I have just hit a wad of filling. FILLING AHOY! tastes a little… banana-ry? hmm, it has the consistency of marzipan but tastes quite delicious i must say. this is an entirely pleasant surprise. Though i suspect this may be the high point and can only get worse from here on out with regards to the beverages.

Ok, I shall sum up. This was actually nice, I would eat it again infact, what a depressing anticlimax! I also apologise for what is somewhat of an uninspired blog post. It shall be more interesting in parts 2 and 3 where I may or may not go into a brown rice drink gluten coma.

Homemade Pizza or : How I learned to stop worrying and listen to K-pop

HEY!

Right, now that ive got your attention again… This is going to be yet another food-related blog. Rejoice!

Why the Korean ladies then? well…umm…I haven’t quite decided how to work them in yet but im sure ill manage, and the cynic inside me suspects this will get me more views from some people…

there you dough, a picture of my pizza pre-cremation

Anyhoozle. Todays culinary redheaded stepchild is, the Pizza. No im not completely copping out, I am actually making this pizza in its entirety (well, im neither grounding the flour or slaughtering the livestock, but you get the picture). Anyway, I am happy to report that nothing particularly embarrassing occurred in the making of this pizza (though how difficult is it to put flour,yeast and water into a bowl and mix, so i guess its not much to be thankful for). It was a little on the small side as you can tell by the fact the pizza doesn’t actually reach the edges of the pizza tray and has no crust, but meh.

Slight confession here, I have actually done this quite a few times before, but its been at least 2 months since I did this last so its fair game. Incase anyone is wondering, the toppings were mozzarella, onion, mushroom, tomatoes, Pepperoni and some jalapenos I added later.

Needless to say it was somewhat delicious…damn, you really cant write a good food ramble unless it all goes tits up, this does remind me of a rather funny anecdote from the weekend however, so I shall now recount that. I went to a Mexican restaraunt with a good friend (although he thought it was Italian, the word burritos anywhere near the menu was a definite tip-off). An entertaining time was had, but during the course of the meal I discovered that my friend had never used a knife and fork untill very recently, This struck me as odd but after discussing it for a while It seemed understandable, it just so happened that most of the foods he ate were eatable and cuttable with a fork on its own, so he just…never needed to use a knife!

Anyway, I was busy mocking him for his lack of cutlery usage when the first course arrived, and I promptly picked up my knife and fork, poked at a Chimichanga (yes, I ordered chimichangas, no they weren’t better than mine!) except for I completely failed at this task, and sent the entire plate spinning through the air along with a chimichanga or two till it landed LOUDLY on the floor. Oh tits,

this should have been here before

Anyway, coming full circle, i present to you the group at the top, yes they are all one group. I don’t see how you can have that many people in a single group and not have it just become a big ball of mess. But I guess they probably only need to stand there and look nice, I haven’t exactly researched them or anything.

ARGH I FORGOT TO PUT IN THE PICTURE OF THE FINISHED PIZZA

Sunday Lunch or : How I learned to stop worrying and use the blowtorch

This is worryingly close to becoming a food blog. Just a coincidence honest, but I reckon if I don’t blog fairly frequently I’m just not going to do it…I hear it takes 21 days to get a habit, so expect 21 days of this is everything goes according to plan.

Action shot! you can tell by the motion blur! That or I cant take good pictures

Yesterday was Sunday, which meant we had the extended family round, this is always some what of a good thing as I get to see my niece Eli, although its a bit depressing to see her outstrip my meagre intellect at the age of 1 and ¾, (I blame the triply looking children literature). It also meant it was my brothers birthday! (34? or 32? don’t kill me) and of course that means a traditional meal of blow torched rice pudding!

Wait…run that by me again?

Meh, I guess I’m not one for tradition anyway, though this does seem a tad unorthodox…

Again, I guess I don’t actually have anything to write about, but when did that stop Tolstoy or Homer or Stephanie Mayer? Didn’t think so, besides I have been revitalised by a bacon sandwich and feel ready to type on the world! Oh god I just mentioned food again didn’t I, I might as well just rename this blog “Owens Culinary life journey, with occasional rant” And get it over with!

A thought occurs to me, does this mean whenever something asks if I have a website I finally have something to link to? Huzzah!

This is exactly what im talking about, that book is literally so trippy its BLOWING HER MIND

This has turned out even more disjointed and rambling than my first attempt at Blogging, I apologise to my 4 readers for the inconvenience! I think maybe I should tackle my views on some sort of contentious issue soon…watch this space! I shall probably post another one of these later today and it might even be interesting!

Chimichangas or : How I learned to stop worrying and eat fried foods

My god, what IS that?

OK, you might have to bear with me on this one, I’m new to this whole she-bang and am liable to a few slip ups along the way. Furthermore as first topics go, this is probably somewhat of an odd choice… But your here now, so just roll with it.

First off; no, Chimichanga is not a racial slur, but a mexican food. A mexican food I was reliably lead to believe looked somewhat like the bastard child of a tortilla that has been severely beaten in adolescence. If I’m entirely honest mine doesn’t resemble the finely crafted homage to coronary failure on the right. But we shall get to that in due time.

I don’t quite know what I’m expecting out of this whole blogging business, 3 posts that no one will read followed by a swift and bitter exit from the scene? possibly. I would like to think that I might manage to achieve some semblance of an interesting human being and make a go at this. Hopefully I wouldn’t cynic myself out of existence.

Anyway, back to the mexiculinary delights. I figured this would be a somewhat simple Saturday night meal for myself as none of what is shown in that image (beside the tortilla creature in the centre) is actually necessary. I think to a degree I was somewhat correct, but I had also failed to take into account the requirement for deep frying this sucker. Anyhow, long story short, everything went entirely according to plan up until the point I was tasked with incarcerating them in a chip fat coffin, there was nothing short of mexican witch doctoryness that would have kept these suckers closed as I attempted to cook the little buggers. But as I was all out of Mexico-magic…cocktail sticks had to suffice. I would give these bad boys a 3/5 for the record. They lost 1 point when they started falling apart and another point when I realised I would die young

Om nom nom

I don’t know if its the chilli from the chimichangas leeching it’s way into my brain through every pore or what, but this all seems a little disjointed and random as first posts go, hopefully ill get it down and become less of a raving lunatic and more of a regular human being. The First thing that strikes me about this word press deal is all the bells and whistles I can apply to everything, specifically I find the widgets interesting, as they provide (at least to my mind) somewhat of a catch22. No successful blog exists in a vacuum, without its links and tag-clouds and funny pictures of cats, but at the same time it doesn’t half look stupid and pretentious to have a sidebar full of empty boxes that do almost nothing. So my question to you, the reader, is : At what point is it acceptable to for example…show your own archive or most popular posts? I’m going with the “no time like the present” viewpoint. I shall see how this works out…